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Trump Demands Colorado State House remove picture of Jiminy Glick

Portrait of Jiminy Glick

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Denver (UPS) -- President Trump threatened the Colorado State House if they didn’t immediately remove the painting of Jiminy Glick from their wall of presidential portraits.

“They’re not getting any snow, I tell you. We will send no federal snow to the state of Colorado until that awful painting is removed,” Trump told reporters last week.

The picture, which has amused capital visitors for decades, has become a source of controversy recently. Insiders say Trump wants the painting removed after having been insulted by Jiminy Glick several years ago.

“Trump is an a**hole,” quipped Glick, at the time.

The portrait features a pasty-faced Glick posing in a frumpy blue suit with two golf balls stuck in each cheek. Instead of wearing his signature wig, Glick opted to sport gold-colored chicken feathers on his head, making it look like a giant pink egg.


White House Admits Others were on Signal Call

other people on the secret call



Washington (IPC) -- Apparently the editor of the Atlantic was not the only uninvited visitor on the embarrassing March 15 Signal call that described the real-time bombing of rebels on Yemen. The controversial chat, initiated by National Security Advisor Mike Waltz, featured Vice President J.D. Vance, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth, and included several others, many of whom were surprised they had been invited. Snarquee followed up with these accidental guests.

"AL" Anita Luzardi, hairstylist for Secretary Hegseth

"I didn't understand what was going on until I heard Pete's voice, and then I figured it was probably some top-secret thing.  Pete enjoys his small talk when I'm giving him his weekly trim."

"FP" Fernando's Pizza

"We thought it was an order.  Sometimes when you take an order over the internet, the characters get all screwed up.  After a while, we figured it out, and we made an extra-large for Vice President Vance with cheese, pepperoni, and double Houthi."

"RS" Randolph Shipler, Juggler and part-time Hitler impersonator

"I was doing an act for Stephen Miller's kids last weekend and I think my information ended up on Miller's contact list.  When I listened to the discussion about the attack, I couldn't believe my ears! And neither could my militia chief when I shared the good news moments later!"

"HHSS" Highland Hills Bridge Club

"Usha Vance’s aunt is head of our bridge club.  She's quite a bridge player!  At any rate, when we heard the fellas talking about the attack, her eyes opened wide -- like we weren't supposed to be part of this. She said we should keep quiet, and that something was probably going to hit the fan."